Feelings

For some reason i find it inappropriate to blog about feelings lately, thinking that it'll just turn a girl majorly off if they see some guy who likes them blog about his feelings. But since i'm waiting for my phone battery to finish charging before going to sleep, and i'm positive she's not going to read this, yeah why not.

well, to cut long story short, i've fallen into a small dillema previously, and had a lil taste of what's it meant to be 'loyal' i suppose? well, maybe to u girls and guys out there i'm meant to be. i dont know.

as i previously mentioned, i liked a girl i met on some occasion. as some of you might know her, no names mentioned her, yet, at least. well, considering i met her only once, ( yeah quick i know ). nice thing to say, i didn run out of topic after the 1st 2 days. so, surprisingly, it doesnt fall out like it usually does. but after a certain period, maybe she was emo, so she talked less, or maybe i was emo and i had nothing to say, i dont know. bottom line, awkward silence is occuring more and more. but for some reason, i actually had dreams having kids with her. weird i know. just on the side note, i'm tired of 'dating around'. not that i had alot of experience with it, i just dont want to do it.

call it an coincidence, hopped along a girl i took fancy about.. 4 years ago? yeah roughly about that. prolly the hottest girl in that society or i dont know. well, coincidence never happen just once, they happen in a streak and thats what make them coincidence. she started talking to me, then topic jumped to her and my relationship 'life'. she became emo, topic ended when she said she gotta go. and poof. she said, "if you come back without a gf, u can call me". ahh i see. well i sort of led on to that tbh, partly my fault, but oh wells, that phrase came out.

then the prolly what is considered the 'flowery' part of me started like WOW. omg. hot girl actually giving me chance? sounds despo, but yeah. things werent going very well with the girl i liked, so i considered.

as time went on, i then realised how much i missed the girl i liked. even though i was considering the other girl, my heart(?) never left her. so i stopped thinking about the other girl, well, since i've been friends with her for years, 1 line wont change anything. friends last dont they? friendship dont get spoilt by 1 line.

one day, i was called xiao yan, ( or she called me. i'm not sure ). she was doing work, i was playing minesweeper. then i realised how quiet we both were until we started argueing who was right in minesweeper ( i was sharing screen on skype ). point being, silence isnt such a bad thing actually. when u have nothing to say, just keep quiet. but iif u've nothing to say, but u keep trying to push topic, thats what make the awkward silences occur? i guess, considered i can skype call jonathan chow ( friend of mine from HK ) while he's playing World of Warcraft while i'm playing dota. each of us talking about our own game. many silences, but it wasnt awkward.

so, i'm going to see how long i can like her. it wont be as 'difficult' as it sounds since, i know literally no more than 2 brit girls. but still, i'll see.

and oh btw, homesickness is settling in.

song of the day,

Home, Michael Buble

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/michaelbuble/home.html

"Home"

Another summer day

Has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome

But I wanna go home

Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

I just wanna go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two

“I’m fine baby, how are you?”

Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane

Another sunny place

I’m lucky, I know

But I wanna go home

Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home

I’m just too far from where you are

I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life

It’s like I just stepped outside

When everything was going right

And I know just why you could not

Come along with me

'Cause this was not your dream

But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come

And gone away

In even Paris and Rome

And I wanna go home

Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by

A million people I

Still feel all alone

Oh, let me go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home

I’ve had my run

Baby, I’m done

I gotta go home

Let me go home

It will all be all right

I’ll be home tonight

I’m coming back home

Emotions

Fairness. I'm pretty sure i've somewhere in my blog before, that something will only be 'fair' if and only if you're at the side with advantage. Then everything will seem fair to u.

I dont even know why i'm writing this. Some days before, I was talking with a girl from China. Just out of curiosity i asked her why she didn't have a boyfriend. I dont know what I feel now, but maybe i'm lucky to be born in Malaysia afterall. Her parents are very strict with her, never allowed her to date. This scenario is pretty normal as well in malaysia isnt it? Only difference is, the teachers in school or out of school will report to parents whenever they see people dating o.O As for my friend's case, she wouldnt even dare to talk with a guy when her parents are around. Weird thing is, her brother has 3 girlfriends ( i'm not sure she meant 3 together, or total 3 o.O )

I asked her why? She replied, 重男轻女。It's the olden days chinese culture of putting guys before girls. But seriously. Still that?

But what made me ponder upon the question is not really this. One could argue that a girl should be more 'careful' and things like that which i dont really agree, but still, i coudlnt say it's not a valid arguement. What actually made me feel deeply for her is that her brother actually tried to kill her.

According to her, there's once when she was beside the river, fishing with her brother. The river is full of moss, dirt, or whatever, Either way, you couldnt see anything more than 5 cm deeper, and the river was pretty deep. Remember the way we used to play that push-you-but-pull-u-back trick? Even if u do this trick beside that kind of river, it's freaking dangerous. But what her brother actually did was push her INTO the river. She can't really remember what happened in the river,but she knew that she somehow managed to get 1 of her hands above the surface of the water.

I'm not sure what happened next, but she got saved, maybe by herself catching something, maybe by someone else. But definately not her brother. When she got home, she actually got scolded for being late, and her brother totally got off. When she told her mum of what happened, her mum just said,

"You didn die, so what? Besides, your brother didn do it intentionally."

What the hell?

Hmmm

Time to go emo again.. :D

It seems like i havent been blogging much ever since i came to uk. just lost the feel i guess?

thus here i am, writing, trying to find back my emo'ness.

This is something about supporting the emo's by writing a love word on ur hand lol. Info sponsered by fee :D

Lol honestly i dont know what to write. Nothing much has happened. Or maybe i'm just not like last time, willing to share all emotions on blog anymore. Hmmm

oh wells. i'll stop here. :S

nothing to write

Assignments

Write a program that lists the characters 33-64.

Sounds easy?

that program is only 3 lines.

Loooks easy too.

Took me half an hour to write it. Or rather, to figure out the logic in it.

Hmmmm

To zanarkland

Here's the music sheet for Final fantasy x theme song, to zanarkland.

And what i wrote in my fb status is kinda true, i'm kinda liking someone now lol. Hope it works out o.O

Favours

It seems like there's a number of people who wanna kill me when i go back to malaysia, for not telling them that i left lol.

IT'S NOT LIKE U GUYS find me when i'm in malaysia anyway o.O

scream out here to compile a list of people that i'm supposed to meet when i go back o.O

i know Jing Ling is 1st to kill me

2nd is joycelyn.

go on...

those that i definately will meet dont kepoh here. KW XY. and miss esther u better wear those shirt when i get back MUAHAHAHAHAA.

Uk

Now that i'm in UK, what do i want?

It's quite a big change for me, and at the same time, it's pretty much the same.

When i'm in primary, for all 6 years, teachers always put me around 8 girls. to prevent me from talking.

In yamaha music class, all the guys dropped out except 1, me

i went to MBS, but never had a proper gang of friends until form 5. still, i'm not close to anyone from high school. my friends were xiao yan and kai wei, whom are girls.

in xueji, i dont really fit into guy gangs, coz they're just too weird. thus, girls again.

in college, i had my 1st actual guy friend, the emo edward. but the rest of my closer friends are girls. Dota gang excluded. ok la Jun yow also. since i know he will read this o.O

but now, in uni,

my course is 90% guys

my corridors is all guys

my tutor group is all guys.

my entire life is is based around guys.

heck, i really have a difficult time fitting in. they dont exclude me, but i just cant go crazy as i used to be

do i miss the old days? maybe. i'm not exactly sure myself

till now, i have yet to attend more than 2 social events, or drank more than 5 ml of alcohol. what am i turning into?

i was warned by a friend of mine that i should carry a condom around, just in case.

my 1st thought was, there's not a single girl in my life here, so is the wall going to rape me?

i really want a gender mix in my life. or i'll be losing my mind.

in uk,

take away football, u kill the boys

take away lollipop, u kill the girls

take away beer, u kill both

Cheers

p.s.

this is what friends are meant to be like

Me : Hello

: How's china

Eds: Hey

: her friend says that i have no chance